seriously they aren't

i'm sure you have all seen the magazines in the stores,
or the garbage on tv that boasts
"stars, they're just like us!"
i would love to know how that is true.
is it because they chew their food before swallowing
or wipe their private bits after going to the bathroom?
i personally have someone else wipe mine...so it's not that.
i just cannot figure this one out.
i don't have an astronomical amount of money in the bank
received just for knowing how to do one thing.
i don't stay in hotels that cost thousands a night
or go on a little shopping spree with my millions...
so it isn't that.
they don't even put on their own make-up.
i 'm going to look into this matter further
but for now i have to go find an assistant because i have to
go to the bathroom.
it is so hard to find good help these days.